The last two months of 2025 was brutal. While I am thankful for opportunities, we lost our cousin whom I’ve known literally all my life (she’s older by 5 months). It was quick but we never really found out what exactly happened to her. Even doctors were baffled.

It still feels unreal sometimes, that I often catch myself almost sending her a message before I remember that she’s no longer here.

Loss is weird for me.

I think I just don’t really deal with loss properly. Whether it’s death, relationships, things -- I try to detach from everything because it’s easier. It’s less painful. I still feel the sadness, but it no longer sends me into a spiral of anxiety and phantom pains and overthinking. I especially hate feeling helpless about loss, trying to analyze where I went wrong and what I could’ve done to stop it.

So now, I’m always looking for that one thing, that one reason, that would justify ending any feeling of connection to someone. Why am I writing this? I don’t know, I guess I just need an outlet because I think I just experienced loss again today. The loss of what should have been one of the strongest bonds I would ever have in my life. The loss of passion, the loss of love, the loss of the will to fight for this.

Did I see this coming? Perhaps. But I really tried hard to hold on. Maybe it was the hope that I could maintain one constant in my life amidst of everything that I let go of. Maybe it was the dream of a life that could have been. Maybe I was just so used to the presence.

Or maybe, it’s all of it. A combination of everything that contributed to denying what I’ve been thinking for a long time now.

I’m done.

I’m so happy I was able to catch the Junji Ito Collection Horror House when I was in Thailand last November 12. I’ve been a fan of Junji Ito since college so when I saw that his exhibit coincided with my travels, I quickly bought myself a ticket to guarantee my schedule for that day.

Tickets were being sold online, but when I claimed mine, it seems they were also selling it on-site. Anyway, I got the combo ticket (THB 750 + service fees) which included entry to both routes and two masks. Route A was called “Farewell City”, and Route B was called “Horror Town”.

I arrived at MBK at around 10:30AM to make it in time for my 11:00AM schedule - the first one for each day. Since it was opening, I had to wait a bit for more patrons to arrive and had to do Route B first because that was the one that the 2 new arrivals purchased. We couldn’t bring in large bags inside but they had lockers available for free. Either you give a deposit of THB100 or leave an ID. Upon lining up, you’re given a mask that features a character for the route you’re doing.

At the briefing area, we were told that photos and videos are not allowed inside, which was fine, live in the moment sort of thing. We were then handed a rope that we had to hold in alternating places as a group of 3. It was really dark inside so I guess the purpose is not to get lost? There are CCTV cameras inside that you can signal to in case something happens though.

(I won’t spoil anything inside the routes.)

Anyway, for Route B, I was with a pair of young men who were situated behind me. We went through the route pretty quickly because they were walking quite quickly and I didn’t want to get bumped into so I sped up too. They were quite jumpy but were pretty quiet aside from the occasional exclamations of surprise. Once I was done with that, the employees ushered me back to the entrance because there finally were people who wanted to do Route A.

I was with two young ladies (there’s a trend here??) for Route A and I was at the end of the rope. This was a lot more fun than the first route I tried mainly because the girls were so scared out of their wits and I couldn’t help but keep laughing at them. They kept jumping/running backwards and clinging to the walls and screaming. I got my feet stepped on a number of times and they kept apologizing every time we’d go through hallways. I was actually so amused that they never thought about running away, instead they stayed put, let the scaring happen, and just screamed and screamed and apologized and screamed some more. I was laughing the whole time.

Both routes exit to the exhibit where photos and videos were allowed.

The exhibit then leads you to the pop-up store where they have a lot of Junji Ito merch like shirts, hoodies, tote bags, figures, stationery, mousepads, and pillows. They also have the Japan-exclusive Junji Ito x Sanrio collection available. A lot of the items were backordered including the pins that I wanted, but they had a Sukajan jacket available and it was so pretty. I couldn’t justify spending Php30,000 for a piece of clothing though, so as much as I wanted it, it was a hard pass. (Crying inside though.)

Then there’s the pop-up café that served themed drinks and ice cream. I was lucky that they had an ongoing 11.11 promo with BOGO on the café items so I only paid THB 258 for 4 drinks (THB 129 each). I’m not a fan of the ice cream so I skipped that. I was so happy with the drinks though as someone who loves trying drinks.

Overall, the experience was fun. It was my first time doing something like this, so it was exciting for me. Personally, I feel that the price was a bit too high for the amount of scaring in the routes but everything was well made inside, so I guess it’s okay. I also bought some stuff, and I was able to get a few of the Junji Ito x Sanrio collaboration stuff for the sister and I. Plus I kept all the paper stuff that came with the drinks!

Anyone else a fan of Junji Ito or have you been to any of the horror houses?

V/H/S Halloween on the other hand was more gore than horror. I think the V/H/S franchise lost its plot after the second movie. The first and second V/H/S were scary, especially when they introduced that manananggal arc. Then that whole sub-story of the people watching the tapes in the house they thought was abandoned only for the viewers to see the zombie-like figure shuffling between the rooms kept me on the edge of my seat.

I miss horror movies that actually scared me.

To be fair, a lot of the Asian horror movies still creep me out. (I just don't watch a lot of them because I don't really enjoy subtitles anymore.) I think it boils down to the fact that Asians have similar folklore so these movies are close to home and tap into that innate fear that was molded into us since childhood. Like a regional trauma? Probably the same reason why Midsommar or Hereditary wasn't really scary.

I found that horror movies need to be relatable for them to scare me. If that makes sense. But maybe I'm just at that age where things aren't really scary anymore? Or maybe I’m desensitized.

Either way, I still enjoy watching all sorts of horror movies. I'm always on the lookout for new recos!

Subscribe

As soon as I completed my pledge, I was bombarded by recommendations for campaigns that I might be interested in. Algorithms are amazing at making us spend more. The top recommendation for me is a series of three books, fairy tale themed, compiled by Cocorrina. Volumes 4-6 have 33 stories each for Fairies, Mermaids, and Dragons. Yes, this is a campaign for the last 3 volumes of the set, with the first three covering Samhain, Witches, and the Sun and Moon. Fortunately, these three can be purchased as add-ons. As much as I wanted to get these in hardcopy for my collection, I opted for ebooks because 1) they’re expensive and 2) they don’t ship locally.

I had to close my Kickstarter app after that second pledge.

Okay, I didn’t, and ended up sending my cousin some links to books she may be interested in. It’s fun buying books with someone, sharing the experience and possibly getting the chance to read the books that I want for free by borrowing it from her.

I know I should be reading all of the books I hoarded first seeing that I have more than a hundred of them, but I just can’t resist getting new books. Kickstarter is also a good place to get them because supporting independent authors and smaller publishers is always a positive experience.

I still found myself looking at new campaigns just before I went to sleep, not just for books but also for gadgets and games. Honestly, I just can’t stop, and I have to exercise maximum self-control just so I don’t keep pledging left and right. Well, not that I can anyway, especially in this economy.

Back Echizen-Wakasa Kidan

Back Tales and Legends: Fairies, Mermaids and Dragons

Life in 90 Seconds is a personal column of sorts. No specific topic nor theme. I write these to remember, a postscript for my life.